Who am I?
Still a question to which the answer is unknown…but ever changing. I awake a new being each morning, ready to take on the world, stealing pieces of fantasy from my dreams to make the day a little more exciting.
I am the ember from which a pulchritudinous ruby fire is born, true beauty.
I am the water that washes your fears away, drowning them in waves of passion and hopefulness. Learning to fill my empty voids with seedlings of satisfaction.
I am a daughter crafted by the sacrifices of my parents, a constant reminder of my Sikh heritage, and responsibility to fulfill their dreams.
Yet the question still remains. Who am I?
A young woman still learning her way around the nooks and crannies of the universe, step by step, just as a child learns to first walk.
Wonder and imagination lifting my feet off the ground. The mirrors in my room, from whom I would hide, now embrace and cherish me I am proud of who I have become. I am the queen of my own realm, unapologetic of my values.
The judgment of others, which had chained me to the past, now cease to exist, letting my wings break free of the shackles of hatred and jealousy. Unwilling to conform to their ideas of what feminism “should” be. I have grown to love myself regardless of the words of others, as sharp as knives, the wounds in my back a gentle remembrance of my transformation.
I am a friend, the kind to stay up late with you while you rant about the boy who never texted you back. The kind to hold your hand along our journey of finding who we really are together.
I am a sister. The cool kind. The type of sister to push you to your limits, but guide you to be your best.
I am no longer the timid and shy little girl you had once known. I have found my voice. Loud and as clear as daylight – I scream my truth.
I remain just a tiny fragment of who I once used to be.
I am me.
Full of ambition excited for what the future has in store.
I am determined to reach my goals, and value hard-work and honesty. Nothing comes easy in life, and I am willing to work for it. No longer afraid of failure. No longer afraid of not being good enough.
Who am I you ask?
Well, this is me.
Image: https://giphy.com/gifs/loop-dahlia-26u43GwxpIiUgrHI4
Dear Khushman,
Your About Me piece is very powerful and really goes into depth about how your past has shaped the person you are today. This really helps the reader gain a better understanding of who you are and what help shapes you. I love how you repeated the question of “Who am I?” throughout your piece. I believe this really helps the reader engage into your writing and highlights what your piece is about.
There’s not much I would suggest to change as I really enjoyed reading it, but I did notice towards the end of your piece you used “u” instead of “you” which seems just a little unprofessional as that is slang.
I’m excited to come back and visit your blog to see more of your writing!
-Nehchal
Thank you for the feedback! I will also keep an eye out for the use of informal language in future pieces. As many have mentioned the use of informal language I have also made a slight edit to the piece.
Dear Khushman,
This piece was so beautiful! I was in awe of your descriptive imagery and symbolism because they really painted a true portrait of the person you claim to be. I also found it clever that, instead of using the template that Ms. Hunnisett gave us of “I am, I pretend, I fear”, you nuanced it to that the spotlight was on your success and pride. Your confidence is something that sets you apart from others!
My favorite line, however, was “I am a friend, the kind to stay up late with you while you rant about the boy who never texted you back. The kind to hold your hand along our journey of finding who we really are together. ” because it was so real. It was as if you took a snapshot of your life and let your readers visualize your values rather than simply stating them – love it.
If you had to improve something, I would suggest that you take a look through your piece and find fragments sentences. For example, the line, “I am a sister. The cool kind.” should be, “I am a sister – the cool kind.”
All in all, I think that your writing style is amazing, and I also feel like I know you better after reading this. I look forward to reading more of your work!
Sincerely,
Nazeefa
I thoroughly appreciated your feedback on my piece and will be sure to carry forward your advice throughout the semester.
Dear Khushman,
You’re about me was so beautifully written, I loved every word from start to finish. I liked the way you compared yourself from who you are now to who you were before. One line that I found was the most powerful in your piece was ” I am a daughter crafted by the sacrifices of my parents, a constant reminder of my Sikh heritage, and responsibility to fulfill their dreams.” This line stood out to me because the way you wrote about your heritage and the sacrifice your parents made was just beautiful and I felt that deep down it’s a big part of your life.
The amazing piece that you spent much time on really warmed my heart reading it. Some places of improvement in this piece that I suggest are that expanding on your personal experience will all the challenges you have had to face during your life, maybe even going a little more in-depth about your role as a sister. Just by adding a little more personal experience, it would give us another viewpoint of you as a person. One other thing I would recommend is that instead of ” u” use “you” as I just felt it slightly disrupted the flow of your piece.
In all, I enjoyed reading your piece and look forward to reading more of your pieces in the future and watching you grow as a writer!
Sincerely,
Karishma
Thank you so much Karishma! I will keep an eye out for that in the coming pieces of writing.